There Is

My favorite song by any band ever is Box Car Racer's "There Is".

Honestly, Box Car Racer is my all time favorite band. I usually tell people that Angels & Airwaves is my favorite band, but that's mainly because more people have heard of AVA, and they still kind of exist. The bands are very similar. Both have/had the Tom DeLonge as their front man. Musically, Box Car Racer is very much so the middle ground between Blink-182 and AVA. Both bands have gotten me through a lot.

I love everything about this song. Literally everything. For me, it is the perfect song. If I had to choose to listen to any one song on repeat for the rest of my life, I would choose this song without giving it a second thought. But my favorite part is the chorus, especially where he says, "Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay, That there's someone out there who feels just like me. There is."

I've always felt alone in this world. There was never any part of me that believed that there was anyone else in this world like me. I'm messed up. I'm hurt. I'm confused. I'm broken. I'm simply different.

In some aspects, I am different. I am a weird person. I don't say that in a negative way, some people are just weird. There is nothing wrong with that. But I always felt like there was so much more on a deeper level. No one functions like me. No one processes things like me. I know that's all vague, but this post is long so I need to cut it short. I'm sure I'll expand sometime.

Recently, however, I found out that there is. There is at least one person who feels just like me. Someone who thinks about things the same way I do. Someone who understands me. NO ONE has ever actually fully understood why I do the things I do, now matter how hard they might try. I found someone who is just like me.

Maybe there are even more people out there. Actually, that's kinda the reason I'm doing stuff like this.

I'm not alone. It feels so good to say that.

Someone Likes Me

Throughout the years I had convinced myself that I am unlikable. (All throughout this post I'm talking about like-liking. You know what I mean.) Girls haven't liked me since I was 10. I could never figure it out. I don't consider myself the most attractive man in the world, but I also didn't ever think I was really ugly. And I don't think my personality is all that bad. Heck, I've even had girls tell me that I'm practically the ideal guy one way or another. But because of circumstances, or the sheer lack of feelings towards me, girls don't like me. I am unlikable.

Yet, a girl likes me. How does that work?

I have wanted a girl to like me for forever. I've tried so hard to convince myself that I'm not completely unlikable, but recently I had to give up. I gave up trying. I had to admit that maybe I am unlikable.

Now everything has changed. I feel like it can't be real. I've always been one to second guess compliments. I've always been sure people were simply being kind, or they had an alternative motive. People are a bunch of liars.

And all my self-conscious issues are coming up at once. I'm not good looking. I'm not funny. I'm not smart. I'm not talented. I have nothing going for me, why would a girl possibly like me?

To answer that question: I don't know. I mean, yes, we do relate to each other in sometimes uncanny ways. That would definitely bring about a great friendship, however I still don't see how or why she could like me. But she does. She's assured me of that fact. And it's not like I had to settle for some girl that I'm not really into, this girl is amazing.

I really like this girl. She's awesome. I could go on forever. I think maybe I just need to get over myself and accept a good thing when it comes my way. And this is a real good thing.