I got into a physical fight with my father, got kicked out of my house, and my mother really hurt me emotionally. I've recently learned that having a good relationship with your parents is beneficial, so I've been trying to work on that. However, things have been worse than ever before as of late and they just got out of control.
Your family is supposed to be the people that will always be there for you. They should love you no matter what. They're supposed to support you. I feel abandoned.
My parents are trying to reconcile things with me, but a part of me feels that we're past that. I've been hurt too much. It would be nice to fix things, but almost just so I can get all my stuff out of the house and get my birth certificate and stuff. I also went to the eye doctor recently, so it would be nice to get my prescription so I could get new glasses. I guess insurance would come in handy too. And I want to see my younger brothers. I miss them. I just have no desire to have any relationship with my parents anymore.
I started college. Actually, I just finished my first week of classes. I'm stressed out. I honestly have no doubt that I'll pass my classes, I'm just freaking out about my GPA. I have to keep a good GPA for one of the scholarships that I have, and it's a nice scholarship. I want to keep it.
I was homeschooled since second grade, so I've never had to do any homework. I've also never really written any real papers. Because I had a great score on the English portion of the ACT, they figured I was really good at English and placed me in Advanced Expos & Research. I've never written a research paper in my life and felt that I was in over my head. I'm great at grammar and sentence structure, I just have no experience with that type of writing. I felt like I was playing catch up with the rest of the class. I dropped that class.
I've been feeling really sick the past few days. It might just be allergies, but there have been time when it was so overwhelming I honestly felt like I was dying. I'm trying to meet new people and make a good impression, but I always feel ridiculous with the way my voice sounds because of all this sinus stuff. It sucks.
Living with a roommate is different. I just wanna skype my girlfriend or watch netflix during any down time I have. But then I realize I should probably be considerate of him. I don't feel like I can completely be myself. He's a better person than I am and I feel bad saying or doing things I know he doesn't approve of.
All this stuff has been going on and usually I'd talk to my girlfriend about it, but she's been super busy. Her mom came out to visit her for her birthday, which was great, I'm really glad that they got to spend some time together. I know she needed that. But I just really need her a lot more than usual right now, you know? I try not to be needy on a regular basis, but I know that I'm needy right now. I feel lost and alone. Our 4 month anniversary came up. I know that might not be a big deal to most people, but we usually do something special on our month anniversaries. This time we barely got to talk at all. It made me sad. Her birthday was the next day and it was the same thing. In addition to just not being able to talk very long, I really just hated not being able to celebrate with her. I really wish I could have been there with her on her birthday. Things just keep coming up that keep her busy. I miss her a lot.
I'm scared about a lot of things. Financially, I have nothing. I have no money. I don't know where my future will go. I'm just worried about so many areas of life.
I start counseling tomorrow. It's something I could have used throughout my entire life. I'm kind of nervous. I really hope it helps me.
