What happened?

When I was younger, like even just a year ago, I was excitable. I was impulsive. People knew me as energetic and passionate. I was an attention whore. I was incredibly easy going. I was active. But that is no more.

I feel that it's still there somewhere, and I hope that it'll come to the surface again sometime soon. But I've really 'mellowed out' over the past year or so. It's not entirely bad, I just feel that it isn't who I am. I often feel that cliche feeling of having "the weight of the world on my shoulders".

Every once in a while a part of that energy will show, I just wish it was consistent like it used to be.

I think the first major event impacting this change in behavior was back in May/June when I had some girl troubles. It wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me, but it did have a big affect on me. When I like a girl, everyone knows. I can't hide it. At times, it's been a major curse (I've had girls distance themselves from me because they realized I had feelings for them). My feelings drive me, and I'm incapable of stopping this while continuing to feel. When things weren't working out the way I would have preferred, I got really down. I was just really sad, and it showed. People were constantly asking me if I was okay. I went from a fun loving guy to someone who constantly had something on his mind.

The lack of excitement started showing in everything I did. My youtube videos started to majorly suffer. I hate a lot of them. I'm always so tired, and I'm distracted with all this crap going on inside my head. I feel that in a ton of my videos I seem really lame/bored/tired/forced. I'm taking some time off so that I can come back to them with some more umph.

I just really miss that excitement.