Paused Existence

I've struggled with depression for a long time. For most clinical cases of depression, it's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. So, people who deal with depression often start at a young age, and may have to deal with it the rest of their lives (sometimes with the help of medication). I've had a few events in my life that have really shook my entire being. On only a couple of these occasions I've had this one particular feeling.

It's the desire to just stop existing. You kind of want to kill yourself, but not really. You realize that suicide is too extreme. It's irreversible, and wouldn't truly solve your problems. But you're overwhelmed. You can't take life anymore. You've lost all control, and you don't know what to do. Whenever I had this feeling I was experiencing incredible emotional pain, and I had no way of stopping it. You just wish that you could disappear for a while. Your world is falling apart. It feels like time is moving so slowly, yet everyone else around you is moving so fast. Nothing is right, and no one else seems to notice. All you want to do is cease to exist for some time, let things resolve, and come back when things are alright again.

Obviously, that's impossible. But it's all you feel in some extreme circumstances.

I don't feel that way now. I did, oh goodness I did, for about a week after October 3rd. But that's long gone. I was just reading something last night that someone posted where they talked about that feeling. I didn't know anyone else ever felt that way. It was incredibly comforting to know that I wasn't the only one. I need to remember these kinds of feelings so I can remind other people that I truly know how they feel.