I Am A Character. My Life Is A Story.

I've written about this kind of stuff a lot on the internet. It's something that's been on my mind for a while now, and I just reached a conclusion about it. I'm afraid that people might be tired of hearing about it, but I really wanted to write it out, so I figured I'd just write it to myself.

For a long time I've intentionally tried to live my life like I was a character in a book. This past year, I've had people say that my life is like a young adult novel or a teenage tv show. I really liked hearing that.

Recently I've been having a bit of a problem, though. I've realized that not all aspects of life are like movies, tv, or books. Especially when it comes to matters of love. In most movies or tv shows there's a major sense of "will they? wont they?" between two characters. They almost always get together by the end. I could be wrong, but based off of my observations, life usually isn't like that.

So, I then struggled with the thought that I'll never find a girl that's right for me. Throughout my entire life I've always felt that I'd have to settle. I mean, I thought I'd find someone who I'd like well enough. But I was almost certain I'd never find someone who made my world turn, or made my heart beat faster every time I even thought about her. If there was one thing this past "relationship", or whatever it was, taught me, it's that someone like that does exist. I was proven wrong, I just might not have to settle.

To this day, I still have no idea what she saw in me. Obviously it wasn't enough, because she changed her mind. But for a small amount of time someone who was amazingly beautiful, who would make my heart rate increase by simply being in the same room, someone who made me smile every single day, who would take me on adventures, someone who I could picture myself in incredibly cute situations with, paid attention to me.

I'm not going to lie, I still definitely have feelings for her. They aren't all-consuming feelings that control my life, but they're still there. I don't know when they'll go away. I don't know if they'll ever go away. I've never been exactly like this before.

I've decided that I'm still going to live my life as if it were a movie. It certainly feels like a movie most of the time, so I don't even have to try. I'm pretty much just going with it. Even though most protagonists win the girl's heart before the movie ends, I realize it's highly unlikely that I'll ever get her back, so I'm not banking on that. She's with someone and they might very well be together for a long time. Hell, they might get married. Why not? Everyone else seems to be getting engaged these days. It's irritating.

But I will find that girl. The one that is special enough to make my heart do crazy things. My movie will have a happy ending. I refuse to settle. I will have my adventures. I will have my incredibly cute moments with my girl. I feel that I'll never be completely happy unless the girl I end up with simply makes consciousness something I desire more than sleep. I don't feel that this is entirely vain or selfish, it's just the way I'm made. And I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone, and never be able to her that I'm not satisfied. I need to fall in love and be head over heels. Besides, it's not like I've set out some set of requirements this girl has to meet. I don't have anything in mind. She could be any type of person, with any sort of interests, looks, or personality. I just have to be crazy about her.

I will live out my story. I might try to be involved in some of the writing. It will be interesting. It will be exciting. It will be a love story.