The Way I Live

I think this is a very important post. Personally, I will probably come back to it to remind myself of everything that I write.

I have decided to live my life very intentionally. My life has a purpose, even if it's simply one that I give it.

Even though I've gotten rid of a bunch of insecurity and stuff, I still have some things that I struggle with. Everyday I will say to myself, "I don't believe in anything." But I can't let that be true. Because, well, I HAVE TO believe in things. The fact of the matter is, life is so much easier if you don't believe in anything. If you don't believe in things, you wont have to fight for them, and so you've done away with a lot of struggle. But I feel that you really lack a life.

I choose to believe in love. I believe that I will fall in love someday. I believe that someday a girl will like me just as much as I like her. I believe that it will be natural and beautiful. I choose to believe these things, even though it might hurt sometimes.

One of my strongest convictions and my motto for life is that you have to keep trying. You have to try, and just hope for the best. Life's experiences can hurt and they can make it hard to make any effort. Not only that, but they can make you want to hide. But if I've learned anything recently, it's that when things are good, they can be real good. Even though it might suck in the end, it's a risk that you have to be willing to take. You have to try.

What I'm about to write is a major lifestyle change for me. I believe it is best to live in the moment. Give yourself fully to every experience. Enjoy the heck out of a good time. When something good comes along, hold on to that until you no longer have that option. Then let go. You have to let go when people don't give you a choice. I spend a lot of my life physically alone, so I tend to dwell in memories and thoughts of the future. While I think some of that is definitely healthy - you don't want to lose sight of where you came from or where you want to go - doing too much of it will only cause you emotional breakdowns. When you find something that's great, do everything you can to make it worthwhile. When things hurt, let them hurt.

Because of the way I've been hurt in the past, I like to have control over how I feel. I've always tried to make myself stop having feelings for certain people, to stop feeling the pain, or to simply feel the way that I think I have to feel. But I no longer do this. I let myself completely feel. I experience everything fully. I will jump in with both feet and deal with the consequences.

I don't know if this is the best idea. But I think it's the way that I need to live, so I will.