The bad days aren't like they used to be. I don't cry anymore. I don't feel like killing myself. I don't even think about the same kinds of things. It's now just a matter of missing her. Sometimes I find myself wondering what things would be like if we were together. But I can put that thought behind me. I constantly wonder what she thinks of me. If I even cross her mind at all. If she's ever missed me. I hate not knowing what she considers what we had.
The way these bad days get to me is that my thoughts are just really heavy. Right now I'm filling my time with a ton of ACT prep. So much algebra going on over here. I like algebra, it's like the one form of math that I actually consider fun. I just haven't done any kind of math in so long, I forget how to do certain things, so I'm having to kind of re-learn some stuff. I'm staying busy, preparing for the future, but those thoughts wont leave the back of my mind on days like this.
I don't know where things are anymore. She said that she wants to be friends. I said that I would love to be good friends, but I'm not going to force anything. I told her that I'm just gonna let it happen naturally and that she's in charge of where our friendship goes. We haven't talked in a while now. I'm afraid that she's forgotten about me, and that I'll be cut out of her life. I dunno, maybe I'm just paranoid. But it's whatever she wants. I can't really worry about it at this point.
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