I've always been one to say exactly what I mean. People often say things they don't mean, or mean things they don't say. I've never been like that. I can't stand people like that. It complicates life. I've always been the one to mean exactly what I say, and to not be afraid to say it. It sucks sometimes, because no one ever says what's really on their mind. No one talks about how they're truly feeling. So I'm kind of a nutcase. But I never really wanted to be any different.
Recently, I've caught myself telling people things that maybe aren't necessarily true. I say them because I want them to be true. I want to believe it. I want to mean it. I'm not feeling those things now, but I want it to happen.
I don't know if this is really a problem. Maybe if I keep trying, and I keep telling myself that's what's going on, it will actually happen. But I hate not saying what I mean. I like to be straight and honest. It's the way I'm made.
Bleh.
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